This Journal used to provide me with solace in my time of need. It used to be my outpouring when I thought no one would listen. I got bored with it, 'cause I felt no one was listening. The more and more I think of it... this is probably the best place for me to place my personal thoughts. 

I plan on returning soon...

 post

Ok... so I know it's been awhile...

Anywho... This is it!

I'm in one of those moods... (which I can say have been very far and few in between)...

that's it for now...

promises for more to come!

Well it’s been a long while since I last updated this thing. That’s ok... all is well! Actually I’ve probably had a great few months, and haven’t needed the therapeutic effects of this journal. Things with me (and us) are going well. Extremely well... Over the past few months we have not worried about finances, life, etc. The month of December was very hectic... with Bry’s Birthday, Kate’s Birthday, Christmas, New Year’s, and the opening of the new wing at work. The month of December also saw the coming together of our family, in a way, and possibly my changing views of Christianity.

So, that’s where I will begin. DECEMBER. 

*Bry’s Birthday - it’s been awhile since either of us were able to splurge on gifts for each other. I was so happy to be able to go out and purchase a couple of DVD’s that Bry wanted for his birthday.

*Jerry - for the sake of client confidentiality privileges I’m going to call this Jerry. Jerry was once a resident of mine at NHC. He was only 49, two young girls, and a victim of not one, but two strokes. One day his family got a call saying that his insurance would no longer cover his stay at the nursing home, and the next day they would have to take him home. The night before he was leaving the nursing home, I gave his wife my number and told her that if she needed any help, to give me a call. A week or so later, I got the call. I’ve been sitting with him since then.

*Christmas/Kate’s Birthday - We spent Christmas day at my Dad’s, with Kate, my dad, my mom and her girlfriend. My mom and Sarah, have been living with my dad for about two month at this point. We all have been getting together on Sunday’s when we can to have dinner. I agonized over what to get my dad and mom and Sarah for Christmas. I ended up getting my Dad a Johnny Cash Boxset, and two opened Johnny Cash CD’s (they were open cause they sat on my counter for a few day’s and I opened them to put them on my Ipod ;-)), and I got Mom and Sarah gift cards. I was not expecting anything from my mom and Sarah, cause things have been strained. But all in all, it felt good to spend a day with almost the entire immediate family. We had both Turkey and Ham (a plus, considering that I thought we were only having Ham! ;-))

* Work - Work has been hectic! We just added on a new wing, with 60 new beds. Well, with 60 new beds, and not enough staff, we all have been working overtime. So, let me remind you, I’m already sitting with someone in the morning hours, and working on my day’s off. I’ve had very little time to myself. But it’s all for the good.

*Christianity - If you will all indulge me for a few minutes, I’d like to tell you a story. During the month of December, Itunes was offering a free download of the television show "One Punk Under God". I didn’t know anything about this show, but I thought to myself... "what the hell, it’s free, if you don’t like it delete it off of your Pod." Little did I know, I would soon be downloading every episode of the series. You see, "One Punk Under God" is a documentary (read: Reality Show) following Jay Bakker (aka Jamie Charles Bakker) son of legendary televangelist Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker. I was impressed by Jay. His views on Christianity were like nothing I’ve ever heard before. His posters/stickers promoting his church stated : "As Christians, we’re sorry for being self-righteous judgmental bastards". That’s exactly how I felt about Christianity. I ended up buying his book off of Ebay (autographed) for $35. I bought "The Eye’s of Tammy Faye". Downloading a bunch of Jay’s Sermons. Basically, for a person whose been shunning the idea of Christianity, Jay’s views felt reasonable to me.

Well, I feel like that brings us up to today. In exactly two weeks, I will be standing in front of the stage watching Kelly Clarkson perform the "Tribute to America" at the PreRace show for the Daytona 500. I’m super stoked about that... and I also get to stay and watch the race!!! Oh! Did I mention that I’m also flying Chelle in for the race? :-D

Anywho, that’s my update for today. As soon as Bry get’s home from church we are heading up to my dad’s to throw the Lasagna that I’ve made into the oven, for Sunday dinner.

WORLD AIDS DAY 2006 : Stop AIDS - Keep The Promise! 

THE WORLD PROMISED TO STOP AIDS BY 2015. WHAT WILL YOU DO?

 

 

SHE THINKS HIS NAME WAS JOHN

 

She can account for all of the men in her past
Where they are now, who they married, how many kids they have
She knew their backgrounds, family and friends
A few she even talks to now and then

But there is one she can't put her fingers on
There is one who never leaves her thoughts
And she thinks his name was John

A chance meeting, a party a few years back
Broad shoulders and blue eyes, his hair was so black
He was a friend of friend you could say
She let his smile just sweep her away
And in her heart she knew that it was wrong
But too much wine and she left his bed at dawn
And she thinks his name was John

Now each day is one day that's left in her life
She won't know love, have a marriage or sing lullabies
She lays all alone and cries herself to sleep
'Cause she let a stranger kill her hopes and her dreams

And all her friends say what a pity what a loss
And in the end when she was barely hangin' on
All she could say is she thinks his name was John
She thinks his name was John

 

 

 

WORLD AIDS DAY 2006 : Stop AIDS - Keep The Promise!

THE WORLD PROMISED TO STOP AIDS BY 2015. WHAT WILL YOU DO?

 

 

I DON’T KNOW HOW TO HELP YOU

from the musical "ELEGIES FOR ANGELS, PUNKS AND RAGING QUEENS"

written by Bill Russell

music by Janet Hood

 

All the fairy tales have happy endings

Even though the passage can be rough

We’ve been in the forest for a long time

So when will all our trials be enough

Now you have been wounded by the dragon

And proved yourself a hero all along

I wish that I could heal you

With the love I feel

Or find the potion that would make you strong

I don’t know how to help you

I don’t know what to say

I wish that I could wave a wand

And chase the hurt away

That would take more magic

Than making gold from hay

And though I’m only human

I am here to stay

Wish there was a book with all the answers

Or articles that spelled out what to do

I would track down experts or opinions

If they’d tell me how I could help you

But no one seems to know of a solution

Or even if there will be one some day

I wish that I could find you

Some small peace of mind

Or promise there’s an answer on the way

But I don’t know how to help you

I don’t know what to say

I wish that I could wave a wand

And chase the hurt away

But that would take more magic

Thank making gold from hay

And though I’m only human

I am here to stay

I am here

Always here

I am here to stay

 

WORLD AIDS DAY 2006 : Stop AIDS - Keep The Promise!

THE WORLD PROMISED TO STOP AIDS BY 2015. WHAT WILL YOU DO?

 

Why after 25 years, is their still such a STIGMA attached to HIV/AIDS? If you ask this question you might get a number of the following answers:

* IT’S A GAY DISEASE! - yes, even 25 years later, people still believe it’s a gay disease! WAKE UP PEOPLE! HIV/AIDS isn’t just a gay disease! It can effect/infect anyone!

* IT’S GOD’S PUNISHMENT! - don’t get me started on the religion issue!

* IT’S THEIR OWN FAULT THEY BECAME INFECTED! - ok... I’ll remember that the next time a child is born to a mother or father with HIV/AIDS... "I’m sorry child, you chose to be born, you chose to be infected!"

Forgive me for getting a little cynical here! I’ve actually heard these things before... and it’s ridiculous...

Here is the lyrics for the second day:

Until The Balance Tips

Music and Lyrics by John Bucchino

 

 

There’s a full moon rising tonight

They say there will be an eclipse

Watch it, watch it, nationwide

The sun, the Earth and the Moon

Side by side by side

And the Moon goes black

Until the balance tips

There’s a country on fire tonight

Some say we must tighten our grip

Shake them, save them, turn the tide

The eagle, the bear and the dove

Side by side by side

But the dove can’t fly

Until the balance tips

They wade in shadow

They live what the know

With a prayer on their lips

Until the balance tips

The pain they pull through

The good they can do

Is a prayer on their lips

Until the balance tips

There are thousands dying tonight

Some say they chose their own scripts

Blame them, chain them, drugs denied

The sickness, the hate and the hope

Side by side by side

With the hope unfed

Until the balance tips

They wade in shadow

They live what the know

With a prayer on their lips

Until the balance tips

The pain they pull through

The good they can do

Is a prayer on their lips

Until the balance tips

No hard time can last

If we feast our eyes on the future

And let the past be past

All good thigns will come

In their own time, in their own way

We can dance together

In the light of a brighter day

There’s a world in a bubble tonight

Some say we sit by as it rips

Silence, sanctions, action guides

The poison the greed and the love

Side by side by side

But the love survives

Until the balance tips

We wade in shadows

We live what we know

With a prayer on our lips

Until the balance tips

The pain we pull through

The good we can do

Is a prayer on our lips

Until the balance tips

 

WORLD AIDS DAY 2006 : Stop AIDS - Keep The Promise!

THE WORLD PROMISED TO STOP AIDS BY 2015. WHAT WILL YOU DO?

 

What will you do? You can do many things, or simply just one! Did you know that by just wearing a (red) ribbon on December 1^st, that you are working as a catalyst?

What’s a catalyst? Want to get technical? Dictionary.com describes a "catalyst" as:

One that precipitates a process or event, especially without being involved in or changed by the consequences

Think about it? Has anyone ever asked you about something you’ve worn? Yes? Well then... on December 1^st, 2006, when they ask you about your (RED) RIBBON, explain to them what the (red) ribbon means to you. Obviously, if you are reading this, you have at least one reason on why you are wearing the (red) ribbon.

Starting today, I’ve decided to post 7 songs (one for each day of the week, leading up to December 1^st, 2006) about HIV/AIDS.

Starting today, November 24^th, 2006... Our first song is about, in Greek literature, the final resting place of the heroic and virtuous:

ELYSIUM

by Mary Chapin Carpenter

 

I don't really know how I got here this time
I was only just following orders
Listening to the voice in my mind
Saying steer clear of margins and borders
So I wasn't thinking of where we would go

On a cold afternoon through the mountains we drove
Up a few hairpin turns and then spread out below
The valley appeared with the sun
Like Elysium

I looked out the window and stared at the fields
Where the blue sky and green were colliding
I looked back at you and I knew we were sealed
By a fate that has ways of providing

Yes sometimes you get there in spite of the route
Losing track of your life and what it's about
The road seems to know when to straighten right out
The closer you come
To Elysium

They say there's a place for those who are goodWith it's pearly gates swinging wide open
The rest of us here are just knocking on wood
Quietly, piously hoping

I could wonder if all of it led me to you
I could show you the arrows and circles I drew
I didn't have a map, it's the best I could do
On the fly and on the run

To dreams that were tethered like kites to the ground
To the bridges I burned, to then turning around
It was here in your heart I was finally found
And the last battle won
For Elysium

Copyright © 2004, Mary Chapin Carpenter

 

The countdown begins. There are only 3 days left until (RED) Friday!

(RED) Friday turns the biggest shopping day of the year – the Friday after Thanksgiving – into the biggest "giving" day of the year. As you may know, a portion of profits from the sale of (RED) products goes to The Global Fund, which helps women and children affected by HIV/AIDS in Africa. Choose (RED) this holiday season – there's a (RED) product for every person on your gift list! 

JUST A FEW IDEAS Stuff holiday stockings with the RED MOTORAZR or the iPod nano (PRODUCT) RED Special Edition. Outfit your family with Gap’s (PRODUCT) RED collection including cashmere hoodies, t-shirts and candles, Converse (PRODUCT) RED sneakers or a pair of Armani (PRODUCT) RED sunglasses. 

YOUR TO-DO LIST FOR (RED) FRIDAY 

• Repost this bulletin and let everyone on Livejournal know that they should shop (RED) on Friday 
• Call, email, IM and MySpace your friends to organize a group to shop together on (RED) Friday – shopping's always more fun with friends 
• Set your alarm to wake up bright and early on Friday 
• Save lives while you shop 

THE COUCH POTATO'S TO-DO LIST 

• Without even leaving your house, you can design your own Converse (PRODUCT) RED shoes at www.makeminered.com. 
• Order Gap (PRODUCT) RED items online at www.gap.com/red 
• Get your RED MOTORAZR online at www.sprint.com/red 
• Rock out on your iPod nano (PRODUCT) RED, available at www.apple.com/ipodnano/red. Get free laser engraving when you order online! 

Find out more about (RED) at JOINRED.COM

Last night, I watched the documentary "Grey Gardens" (the same doc on which the new Broadway musical "Grey Gardens" is based). Just to give you an idea (for those of you who don't know) what this doc was about, here is the official description of it, from Amazon.com :

"Meet Big and Little Edie Beale-high society dropouts, mother and daughter, reclusive cousins of Jackie O.-thriving together amid the decay and disorder of their ramshackle East Hampton mansion. Five years after Gimme Shelter, the Maysles unveiled this impossibly intimate portrait of the unexpected, an eerie echo of the Kennedy Camelot, which has since become a cult classic and established Little Edie as fashion icon and philosopher queen."

I can see why this documentary has such a cult following. I don't care who you are, you can at least find one similarity in your own life (whether it be yourself, or your family) to these two women.

My similarity comes in the form of my Gma. While I won't go to the extent to say that she lived in complete squalor, there were definitely similarities to her house and "Grey Gardens". Her house wasn't 28 rooms, only 3. Her house wasn't overrun with cats and raccoons, but an occasional mouse would sneak into the house. The walls of her house weren't crumbling, although at one point she did need to replace the roof. However, she did neglect to replace the roof over the garage, which for the past few years that I've had the opportunity to visit, was covered by this hideous blue tarp. Cobwebs hung from most every wall, which were tinted yellow from the layers of smoke that, at times would just linger in the air. The pipes leading to the bathroom, which ran underneath the house, were broken, and at times flushing the toilet was a problem. At times throughout the summer, her yard (both back and sometimes the front) would grow wild, where one would almost have to take a machete to the grass just to get it low enough to run a lawn mower over it. That was my Gma's "Grey Gardens".

My Gma was much like Big Edie. She was never a part of High Society. She has no famous cousins that we know of. But she was a bit of a recluse. Often times, shying away from public outings, choosing to stay in the house. She always blamed this on her health. Granted, at first, her health wasn’t as bad as she wanted us to believe. When we had a family get together, she would go for a little while, and then asked to be taken home. She would occasionally go to BINGO with a group of friends, but few ever came to the house.

 

Her house was her refuge, full of trinkets from her past. She loved baseball, keeping years and years of score books for her favorite teams. She would speak of going to the ball park, where Pete Rose played on a farm team before making it to the big leagues. And Dolls, she loved dolls. Scattered throughout her house were all types of dolls, big and little, porcelain and plastic, some played music.

Unfortunately, as far as I know, her house is now unlivable. She now resides in a nursing home, where she will spend the last part of her life.

So the other day, I was looking on Itunes trying to see what was FREE to download... came across "House of Carter" the pilot episode... Let's just say I'm addicted now. :-D 
There are a lot of shows this fall season that I have picked up... more so than any previous season... I have an envelope (cause I like writing on envelopes) with each day of the week on it and the shows I like watching... 
Here's the current list:

SUNDAY NIGHT
8:00pm  -  Extreme Makeover Home Edition
10:00pm  -  Brothers and Sisters

MONDAY NIGHT
8:00pm  -  How I Met Your Mother
9:00pm  -  Heroes

WEDNESDAY NIGHT
8:00pm  -  Jericho
9:00pm  -  Ghost Hunters

THURSDAY NIGHT
8:00pm  -  Ugly Betty

EXTREME MAKEOVER HOME EDITION 
Sunday nights around this house are known as REST and RELEASE night... 

BROTHERS AND SISTERS
Honestly, I've only watched the first episode of this show. It looked pretty promising... although it's kinda fizzling out for me!

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
I hope this show goes on and on... it's hilarious. LOVE BARNEY!

HEROES
This is probably one of the best shows of the new season (In my opinion). If you love superheroes and comic books, this is a show for you. If you happen to miss it on Monday nights... you can catch it again on Fridays on SCIFI

JERICHO
This is an interesting show... It takes some getting used to... but still a good show!

GHOST HUNTERS
By day Jason and Grant are plumbers, by night they are GHOST HUNTERS! I love this show, they don't try to prove a haunting but rather disprove it. (You can get [or used to be able to] the Best of Ghost Hunters Season One on Itunes)

UGLY BETTY
The first episode was cute... I didn't catch the last one... but it still looks cute!

To some the following may sound a bit morbid. But for a few select few, they understand what I'm about to say.
For those select few... they've witnessed the last breath(s) of life. 
I'm still processing all of this myself... so it may sound a bit disjointed. 
You see, in my chosen profession, I've witnessed death more than once. Sometimes it's peaceful, sometimes it's not. The death in which I witnessed tonight, I honestly can not say whether it was peaceful or not. 
This was probably the longest death that I have seen in awhile... we (the nurses and aides) were in the room for atleast 30 minutes before this person breathed his final breathe. 
Let me set the scene for you... here is a patient... who just 2 weeks ago was being fed via a feeding tube.... 1 week ago I entered into this patients room and there was a dark brown emisis on their gown... they were sent to the hospital.... 4 or 5 days ago they returned.... without the feeding tube.... they were NPO (basically nothing by mouth).... so for the past 4 or 5 days there was no feedings, no hydration, nothing... except the every 2 hour dose of morphine... 
This evening, with family around, they began their journey from this place... 
At approximately 5:00pm they began their descent.... the family motioned for the nurse to come to the room... 2 minutes late the daughter came out of the room crying... we all immediately began our post-mordem care duties... 
The second we walked into the room, we felt they were gone... they were blue from top to bottom... however they were taking deep breathes... we were assured that they were just the "final breathes"... how ever rolling him a couple of times.... sitting him up... I was certain I felt a pulse... 
This death, the longest I have witnessed, had taken atleast 30 minutes... and finally... the final breathe.... 
And it was done....

I've kinda neglected Livejournal for awhile... actually I've neglected just about anything on the internet that doesn't involve Itunes... oh well... 
I promise I'm going to update more and more in the coming weeks... it's just been hectic...

But alas, Sunday went up to Dad's to have my birthday dinner... Spaghetti and Meatballs... and a couple rousing games of Sorry Revenge and Phase Ten and Uno... a good time was had by all. 

I'm going to try to be online more for those I haven't talked to in awhile

I don't know why... but for some reason... I understand the meanings behind this passage:

I recently saw a documentary about sharks on the Discovery Channel. Scientists had found a species of shark, a deep-water one, that didn't have to keep moving to stay alive. It can breathe lying still. It can rest. I find that hard to believe.

Was watching Jeff Foxworthy's "Big Night Out" with special guest Kenny Rogers... Kenny sang "The Last 10 Years (Superman)"... it was my first time hearing this song... and I really like it!

The Last 10 Years (Superman)
Kenny Rogers

Oh, the last ten years, it's been quite trip
Over thirty-six-hundred spins around without a cosmic slip
But within the realm of our atmosphere
We're 'bout as out of whack as we've been in a million years
We watched the Y2K scare in a panic
An' we watched as time proved Nostrodamus wrong
An' we watched as Mother Nature shook the planet
An' cellular replaced the telephone
We lost Charlie Brown, Ray Charles an' Johnny Cash
We even lost Superman, mhm.

Well, the last ten years, look at the hills we've climbed
The best golfer's black, the best rapper's white an' it's about damn time
But we best beware, there's a brand new fight, you see
An' I hate to say we might be our own worst enemy
We watched Oklahoma sifting through the damage
An' we watched a US President get caught
We watched shareholders watched their savings vanish
We all cried when we watched those towers fall
We lost Minnie Pearl, Ron Reagan and Sam Ahan
We even lost Superman, mhm.

Expensive gas an' free downloads
The dot-com boom, an' reality shows
What's gonna happen next is anybody's guess
Satellite radio and hybrid cars
Hand-held computers an' a trip to Mars
It's all become a part of who we are
In the last ten years.

In the last ten years
We lost George Harrison, John Paul and June Carter-Cash
Hell, we even lost Superman
Gonna miss you. Chris...

 

Songs like that make you think, don't they?

Ok... first off I get up today and check my bank account... that's all I'm going to say about that!
Watch Rosie on the View... LOVED HER! I'm glad she's back on television!
Went to my meeting at work... found out I won CNA of The Year at NHC Garden City
Drove all across Horry County... finally 10 minutes before the office closed I paid RENT
Called my dad... met him at his house... Mom was there
Went to the bank... cashed my checks...
Ran through a very bad T-Storm....
Came home... relaxed...
Found out it was the season premiere of HOUSE!

ALL IN ALL ... it hasn't been such a bad day after all. 

Pure example of how we percieve things! Sure a lot of times the bad outweighs the good... 
To quote a musical... "It Hasn't Been Such A Bad Day After All"

It's Labor Day weekend... and what are you doing? 

There are few organizations that I will give my hard earned money to... these include the following:

Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS
HRC (Human Rights Campaign)
and
MDA (Muscular Dystrophy Association)

A few years ago... I lost a resident of mine to Myotonic Muscular Dystrophy... 

May 4th, 2004 - "Got a call at 3:00 this morning... it was Jeff (the nurse)the resident had passed away at about 2:40. Been crying all morning... even though sometimes he got on my nerves I really did have a chance to bond with him. "

May 7th, 2004 - I'm not going to repost this post... but if you choose to go back and read it... please do!

So, with that being said... please if you are reading this tune into 

Tropical Storm Ernesto is spinning of the South Carolina coast right now...